wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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