fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
