while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Randomize
