yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
