So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
