I'm so fucking centered right now
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
