is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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