Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
