I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
