do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
