Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just gift wrapped bread.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
