he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
