??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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