Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
