I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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