My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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