I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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