Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
