I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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