whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
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