yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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