He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Randomize
