apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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