We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize