guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
