I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
