we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
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