The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
