I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
