maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
