just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
we're making bets on your personal life
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
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