Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
