I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
