Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
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