i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
