if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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