Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
