Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
