he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
