meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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