I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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