Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize