Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
