he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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