woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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