New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
