He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
im having a threesome with these popsicles
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
