There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
