Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
