I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
