He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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