Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
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