Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
