I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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