we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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