I got chris browned last night
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
