So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
