her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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