I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
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