During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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