I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
