i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
