i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I said "one day" and that day is not today
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize