I think I am morally bankrupt
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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