Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
