I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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