it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
