im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
