My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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