mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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