It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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