I'm going to jail i love you
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
