I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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