Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
