Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I have aggressive nipples.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
